To lose my life or to lose my love.. thats the nightmare I've been running from.
I know there’s no way I can get rid of them and certainly there’s no way for me to stop them from overpowering me, but I’m exhausted. I want them to stop, I want them to let me go. I have a constant headache that perturbs my mind, my body and my soul. My sleep is being haunted by nightly dreams that don’t let me rest. I wake up and I feel like I had been running the whole night.
I believe that the only way for me to terminate this whole nightmare is by learning to be on my own. I’m afraid of isolation. I’m afraid of not being loved. I’m afraid of not loving. With that, I pressure myself to feel, but I dont want to feel. Yet, I believe thats what I need. I’m in this constant weird spinning wheel. I go in circles.. nonstop. I feel something for an individual, and then I dont let my emotions flourish because knowing myself.. I would then change my mind.
So i need to spend time with myself. I need to learn to love my life with just me and no one else.